Have you ever experienced anxiety? Most people would answer this question affirmatively, whether that anxiety was triggered by a new job, intimidating social interaction, unfamiliar situation, or any high stakes challenge.
Surprisingly though, your current situation is not the root cause of your anxiety. Instead, the source of your anxiety finds its origins in your early childhood.
“You can’t always get what you want…but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”
-The Rolling Stones
As an infant or small child, “what you want” could have been food, attention, sleep, or any other type of nurturing response; and when you were a newborn, getting those needs met quickly was essential to your survival. However, it would not have been possible – even with the most loving, attentive caregivers – to immediately meet your needs 100% of the time. Looking back, you may understand this on a rational level, but at such a young age, you would have sensed that you were being neglected. In response, then, you would have developed various coping mechanisms.
For example, you may have screamed out to elicit the attention you desired, and if that strategy “worked”, you would continue to employ it. If, on the other hand, you were punished for screaming, you would suppress that response and learn to ask “nicely” – but still feeling resentful. Essentially, you built layers of adaptations to “get what you need”, all based on the feedback from those around you. And as your brain developed, you discovered more sophisticated strategies to add to your repertoire.
But remember, at the very beginning, you weren’t that sophisticated. You hadn’t developed various coping mechanisms. So one of those first feelings you would have experienced as you attempted to allay any core wounding would have been in the form of anxiety.
The First Responder
A first responder, by definition, is “a person who is certified to provide medical care in emergencies before more highly trained medical personnel arrive on the scene.” In your early years, generating a sense of anxiety was your body’s way of reporting to the “scene” for the perceived emergency (in this case, not having your immediate needs met).
Over time, though, you continued to develop more and more sophisticated ways of coping, similar to the “highly trained personnel” that may be needed in a life-threatening situation. Unlike specialized doctors, however, these adaptations may not work well for you.
See if you recognize some of these feelings in your life: overwhelm, resentment, desperation, helplessness, and anger. If any of this resonates with you, you’re certainly not alone: in fact, many people develop these adaptations over time, and the resulting feelings become so ingrained that you can’t recognize that your current reactions actually stem from those unmet needs you experienced long ago.
Though these adaptations may serve to mask that original, negative feeling of not having your needs met, you have now constructed limiting patterns that will be impossible to treat… if you only focus on the symptoms. If, for example, you simply try to address your anxiety (or anger, resentment, etc.), you may alleviate the symptoms momentarily, but they are sure to return. Because you still haven’t dealt with that earliest core wounding, your body will continue to erect these limiting behaviors and patterns until you visit the originating event and concentrate on those feelings.
As I discussed in my previous article, Breaking Free From Negative Patterns in Your Life, it is critical to reconnect to your core, heal it, and then rebuild on a new foundation. Only then can true healing begin.
Although this process can be uncomfortable at first, you will finally experience relief as you release limiting patterns and give yourself the nurturing you yearn for – and deserve. As you can see in my upcoming article, The Barriers To Intimacy, getting back in touch with the core wounding will allow you to develop your ability to nurture deeply satisfying relationships, all while giving you a sense of deep appreciation, inner calm, and genuine satisfaction with your life.
And aren’t these feelings of self-reliance and calmness what we’re all seeking for ourselves on our path to happiness and healing? Don’t waste more time and energy on maladaptive behaviors. Instead, get in touch with your core today, and experience the healing and relief that you’ve been searching for.
My online course, The Abundance Program, directly addresses these issues, allowing you to revisit your core wounds, heal and transform them – all through deep, guided meditations. As you complete these seven journeys, you’ll not only banish the drama from your life but also release the related compulsions, stress, and feelings of low self-esteem. In its place, you’ll empower yourself… tap into your “inner Buddha”… and most important, start getting what you want out of life. Begin using the meditations today, and experience the continual love and happiness that’s waiting for you – no matter what else is happening in your life.