Relationships! Have you ever found yourself wishing you were in one? Or… have you ever been in a relationship but wanted a better one? You’re certainly not alone, especially when you consider the negative attitudes that many people have when they consider the relationships in their lives.
Many comedians capitalize on the universal nature of “bad relationships” and write entire sets about partnerships that are toxic or doomed to fail. Rodney Dangerfield once said, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her,” while comedian Jeff Green quips, “Love is that feeling you get in your guts when you see a girl across a crowded room and think, ‘Wow. One day I’m going to make you the unhappiest woman alive.’”
But what is it that lies at the root of these negative connections? Why do relationships sour – or never seem to get off to a good start in the first place?
It’s all a matter of barriers. Barriers to intimacy.
Even though you may blame it on your partner, it is critical to understand that there are obstacles to intimacy that you may have unwittingly constructed that are prevent you from enjoying connections with other people that are joyful, fulfilling, and life-giving.
Don’t worry, though. No matter how healthy – or unhealthy – your closest relationships are, it’s possible to improve upon them. Not only can you make a decent partnership better, but you can also resuscitate a dying relationship.
As an infant, there were instances in which you had certain unmet needs. Even the most caring parents or caregivers aren’t perfect, which means it would have been impossible for them to address every desire and need of yours at all times.
As I cover in the article in Anxiety: More Than Meets the Eye, this early wounding led you to develop various coping mechanisms, such as anxiety, resentment, and anger. Far from positive, you employed these adaptations nonetheless, because they worked to mask your pain from not having your needs met. Over time, these adaptations became so so deeply ingrained in your psyche that you lost conscious awareness of them.
However, layer upon layer of negative emotions and coping behaviors creates a barrier between you and the outside world. Not surprisingly, then, when you become involved with someone, these negative feelings get manifested as behaviors that can be fatal to your intimate relationships.
And if these seeds of dysfunction aren’t addressed, it will be difficult – if not impossible – to nurture loving and compassionate connections with others…no matter how much you love that person or want to make the relationship work.
Dissolving the Barriers
Once you dismantle those impediments to intimacy, though, establishing healthier relationships will be attainable. By releasing the patterns that no longer serve you, you can replace them with new feelings and behaviors, and my Abundance Program allows you to connect with your core wounding and guides you on a healing journey as you build more positive feelings and behaviors.
What does this healing look like? I like to think of it like ripples in a pond.
Still Waters Run Deep
Think about throwing a pebble into a small pond. That once-still water will react to the impact of the pebble and create ripples that radiate outward to the far edges of the water. Your inner life is very similar when you begin to heal from the core.
Those core wounds would have created “ripples” like anxiety, desperation, overwhelm, and other limiting patterns. On the flip side, as you identify the origin of your wound and heal it, the “ripples” that result will be transformative. Instead of feeling helpless, angry or desperate, you’ll feel empowered, self-reliant and loving.
Essentially, your healing will involve shifting from a place of feeling abandoned to one of feeling nurtured. And instead of adapting to the wound with other negative behaviors, you will grow from a positive core feeling of being nurtured, resulting in “ripples” like inner calm and relaxation.
With continual healing, you will start to feel more satisfaction and self-reliance. And finally, you will experience appreciation for the people in your life. It is then that you will open yourself to true intimacy with others – whether in your current relationships or as you establish new ones.
Clearly, you will enter your interactions with clarity and peace, resulting in a more authentic self who is ready to connect lovingly and genuinely with others. Of course, this doesn’t mean that your openness will allow people to mistreat or take advantage of you: rather, your empowerment will align you with respect for yourself and others, and you will act in accordance to these tenets.
Proving the Cynics Wrong
With this new paradigm, you’ll be amused with a comedian’s jaded assessment of relationships but no longer feel that you relate to them. Instead, you will resonate with a deep, abiding understanding that only when you internalize the nurturing that every human being needs will you be able to enter into relationships with others that are truly authentic, intimate, and satisfying.
To accelerate this process, use the Abundance Program to get in touch with your core, heal old wounds, and experience an abundant supply of love and happiness in your life. And if you need further assistance, the following guided meditations will help you fine-tune your ability to establish intimacy with others more quickly and easily:
- Learn How to Open Your Heart if you’ve experienced emotional pain and want to release those wounds and become more open-hearted and compassionate with yourself and others.
- To truly love another person, you need to love yourself first. How to Love Yourself will provide you with a guided meditation to help you stop judging yourself so harshly.
- Visit How to Become More Loving and Compassionate to access two guided meditations that will allow you to replace your judgment of others with love and compassion.
- If ingratitude is an issue for you, learn How to Get Over Your Disappointments and Feel More Love and Appreciation in just twenty-five minutes!