My best buddy and I have been friends for seven years, but over the last year, we’ve had some serious arguments that would simply blow up out of nowhere. This was strange because we’re both levelheaded guys and tend to communicate well. It was baffling to us that these arguments kept getting out of hand but as we’ve both been traveling constantly we never had the chance to meet in person to iron things out. Finally we were both in the same city at the same time, and we made a plan to meet in person to hammer out our issues and re-build our relationship. When we scheduled the meeting, what happened next was striking, my heart rate immediately went up, my breathing became shallow – I was afraid of having lunch with my best friend! I was surprised at how strong my fear was. When I thought about it, I realized that the friendship was an important male relationship for me, and my fear was of losing that relationship.
Although I understood the reason for the fear, I was still surprised by its intensity, so I decided to create a personalized guided meditation to explore and release my fear. (I’ll publish the guided meditation soon. Make sure you sign up for my newsletter to know when its ready.) I had two reasons for wanting to do this. The first was that I wanted to be in a better state of mind when my friend and I actually met. I didn’t want to be going into the conversation feeling frightened. The second reason was that, in general, for that strong a reaction to exist, there has to be some earlier incident from a younger period of your life behind it. Something must have happened to me to put that pattern in place and I wanted to find and release that wound. You can read more about how this process works in my upcoming article, Dissolving Your Fears—A New Approach. After the meditation, I was exhausted. I did it on a Sunday at lunchtime, and I spent two or three hours on the couch that afternoon just lying around absorbing it all. I didn’t have any words for what had happened, but it felt like something deep had just taken place. I knew I needed to lie there and let the changes sink in. I had a mild pain near the rib attachments of my fifth and sixth ribs on the left side to my spine. In the Body-Psyche Guide to Inner Wisdom, the attachments of the fifth and sixth ribs correlate with relationship patterns formed young in life, and for me, as a male, the left-hand side would be related to my relationships with women or with other people in general. From that, I inferred that whatever had been stimulated was about a relationship pattern that had to do with being attacked or yelled when I was very, very young – way back in the first months of my life. I’ll never consciously know what that was about, because it’s too far back to remember consciously, but apparently it had a big impact at the time – an impact that was still affecting my adult relationships with men. I did my personalized guided meditation on Sunday. By Tuesday lunchtime when I got together for lunch with my friend, my reaction was fairly neutral. Yes, my friend and I still had a tough conversation to have, but the emotional charge was gone. I felt that I was in a much better mood to have the conversation from a strong, grounded place.
We had our lunch conversation, and it went well. There were moments when it was difficult, but we both stayed present, kept with the conversation, and reached a good outcome. I was much more able to stay present in the conversation with my friend and that helped us both resolve our issues rationally. It went well. For more on how this process works, see my upcoming articles, Dissolving Your Fears—A New Approach, and to use the guided meditation yourself, register to get notification when the guided meditation is published.